Dear, Ed.

You know what makes me scared about love? Yes, myself. I am a lover girl — when I love, I love hard. That’s the problem, my dear. When I’m in love, I don’t know when, where, or how to stop.

I love as much as I want to be loved. Even when my world shattered because of betrayal, I still don’t want to stop. I always think that if I keep trying, maybe everything will be okay, maybe someday I’ll be enough, maybe one day I’ll be loved by someone I always prayed for — like the very first time.

Maybe I ask too much of you.
Listen, I miss you — us, probably. I miss those evenings when you always called me pretty, the many fights that always ended in a hug, or that 3 a.m. ride when you heard me cry. At the time, you always had a way to make me smile. Are you getting tired of it? Because I’m not.

I don’t want to talk to you with your eyes full of doubt about me.
I want you — you were someone who made me feel like I wanted to get married, to have a family.

I hope this “grow up and smell the coffee” thing doesn’t make us separate or lose our love.

I hope I never lose you and I hope this never ends.
Because you know me — I love you and I always will.